


Oh my (modern) Gods!

by dododoesthings



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Brothers, Cats, Gen, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28744998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dododoesthings/pseuds/dododoesthings
Summary: All the gods have now moved into our modern lives. Hypnos and Thanatos decided to share an apartment and live as roommates. However, now a mortal, Hypnos wants to experience two very important things: the friendship between two mortal brothers, and owning a cat.A collection of short stories about the gods and characters in Hades in the modern day living as mortals do.Chapters:1 & 2: The Pawfect Companion. Hypnos captures a stray cat to keep as a pet.3: A Furry Interesting Afternoon. Theseus finds a place for Asterius on the internet.
Relationships: Asterius | The Minotaur & Theseus (Hades Video Game), Dusa & Hypnos (Hades Video Game), Hypnos & Thanatos (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	1. A Pawfect Companion pt 1

Hi guys, I'm dodo! It's been so long since I've written fanfiction but I've just fallen in love with Hades and I have so many ideas for a modern day AU! I also have a tumblr under the same name (https://dododoesthings.tumblr.com/), where I might do more creative work like writing and drawing. Most of my chapters will be fairly short and I'll try to upload every few days or so, so enjoy!

* * *

_Present Day_

Ah, Greek gods. From tween-aged Percy Jackson fans who never grew out of that phase to historians, they’ve been studied and marveled for many years. Mighty Zeus, king of all Gods who strikes down foes with wicked thunderbolts, terrifying Poseidon the Earthshaker, Hades, lord of the dead, and every other god have been feared, revered and worshipped. Stories of their legacies have been passed down from generation to generation in books, word of mouth, and also the occasional Buzzfeed quiz. However, they don’t live on the mighty Mount Olympus anymore. Instead, they’ve taken on mortal forms and are now living with us in our world to better understand our foolish little lives.

* * *

_A nondescript apartment in a generic big city_

“How many times must I tell you to stop camping out on the couch with your stupid little blanket binging that ‘Netflix’ thing? I’m the only one who does chores around here!” 

“Oh Thanny, just relax! Look at the dessert that one’s making, doesn’t it look good? Oh I tell ya, it’s a good thing we decided to leave Tartarus too! Mm would I kill for a bite of that!” 

‘Thanny’, a silver-haired man in his early twenties, huffs and proceeds to wrest a fuzzy pink blanket from his roommate.   
“Hypnos I swear to the gods you _have_ to start pulling your weight around here instead of sitting your ass down watching those mortals on the television! And it’s Thanatos to you, not ‘Thanny’!” Hypnos feebly tries to wrestle for control of his favorite pink blanket from Thanatos, but quickly becomes overpowered. With a huff, Thanatos folds up the blanket and places it high up on a shelf. 

“Wha- Hey! Give that back!” Hypnos leaps off the cushy black u-shaped couch and feebly tries to grab at his blanket, which was placed just tantalizingly out of his reach. With a huff, he resigns to his fate. “Alright, I’m up. Whatcha want from me brother? Ooh, are we finally going to spend some time together? I made a list of all the things mortal brothers do with each other for fun. Look here!” Hypnos eagerly pulls a notepad out of his baggy sweatpants and shows it off to his disgruntled brother, who shoves it aside with a huff.

“I don’t care, Hypnos. What I care about is that you get the laundry done and finally take out the trash. Actually, scratch that- you’re too weak to lift the trash to the dumpster anyways. You _do_ know how to use the washing machine, right?” Hypnos lets out a huff.

“Of course I do! Whaddya take me for? A lousy, lazy, good for nothing brother?” 

Thanatos nods. 

“Well I’ll show you! I’ll do the laundry _and_ take out the trash!” Hypnos rolls up the sleeves of his baggy sweatshirt, revealing his sticklike arms. He feebly makes an attempt to flex some “muscles” to impress his much stronger brother who actually worked out. Thanatos lets out a snort. “Well, good luck with that. I’m going to get some rest before work. Don’t wake me up unless the apartment catches on fire. Again.”

* * *

_Take this, Thanny! I did all the laundry and now I'm taking out the trash too! If I get this done fast enough we could have some time before he leaves for work to build a pillow fort or watch TV together or something! Ooh, maybe I’ll make some hot chocolate in a flask for him to take to work. Then I could guilt him into doing something fun with me when he comes home._

Preoccupied with his thoughts, Hypnos drags the way-too-heavy trash bag into the elevator, down to the first floor and down the alley where the dumpsters were. With a few good tugs and a groan of pain, he flings the trash into the dumpster-

_Myeeow!_

“Wuh-ah-woah!” Startled, Hypnos scampers off to duck behind the dumpster before seeing a small grubby calico cat clamber out of it and shake dust out of its mangy coat. At the sight of it, the once god of sleep (now just a mortal who sleeps) relaxes and slowly squat-walks towards the small cat before making a lunge for it. Deftly, the calico leaps from his grasp, scampering down the alley and down the street. 

“Awwh, kitty! Come back!” Hypnos scrambles to get up and chase after the cat, but it is long gone. With a sigh, he returns back to his apartment, but the cat still remains in his thoughts. When he was still in the Underworld, he had heard of cats from a shade. Immediately he was transfixed with the idea of owning one, maybe even one with three heads like Cerberus, who would curl up on his lap and take siestas with him. After he started living with the mortals (and Thanatos as his roommate), he begged his brother to let him adopt a cat, but he kept rejecting the idea. It was too big of a liability, Hypnos would probably use the cat as a pillow and crush it, Hypnos would forget to feed it, Hypnos would lose the cat, Hypnos would make the cat hate him and run away in disgust, Hypnos, Hypnos, Hypnos. 

But this cat was different. It was Fate. It was in the dumpster next to their apartment! It made eye contact with him! Hypnos wanted that cat so badly. As he took the elevator up to his floor, he decided to catch the cat and make Thanatos fall in love with the fuzzball. There was one person who came to his mind who knew a thing or two about fuzzy animals, and before he knew it he already had her number typed out on his phone. 

Dusa.


	2. The Pawfect Companion pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hypnos calls upon Dusa, who works at an animal shelter, for help capturing the stray calico living in the alley beside his apartment to be his fuzzy friend. Thanatos and Hypnos have a heated discussion over the name of the cat.

_ A generic animal shelter in the big city _

“This is Loveshack radio, bringing you the best love songs for your wife...your gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, dazzling-”

“Orphy honey. Play the song already.”

“Oh right, the song. Up next is a song that pairs really well with dancing barefoot under the stars with your incredibly charming, captivating-”

“Orpheus!” 

“I’m playing the song I’m playing the song!” 

Dusa chuckles as she turns the volume of the radio up. Upon entering the mortal realm, the two lovebirds started a radio station for romantic songs which garnered quite a lot of daily listeners, including the animal shelter she worked at.  _ Now then, what’s there left to do? _

“Dusa! Could you grab that leash up there for me?”  


“O-oh yeah! I’m on it!” 

At first, Dusa was hesitant to leave the House of Hades. She was comfortable serving Hades and keeping his house nice and tidy for all the shades that came in. However, curiosity got the best of her and headed to the surface alongside Thanatos and Hypnos. Zagreus was one of the first servants in the House of Hades to live in the mortal realm alongside many of the Olympian gods, so when she made the move as well she managed pretty well. Afterwards, Thanatos joined with his brother right behind him who reportedly spent the whole trip out of the Underworld begging Thanatos to be his roommate (“It’s when two mortals are such best friends they live in the same house so let’s do it please please please!” he begged). Although Dusa had originally planned to work under Hades again, he let her go and explore the mortal realm (with quite a bit of persuasion by his brothers too). 

She started working at the local animal shelter due to her set of impressive abilities, namely being able to multitask with her snake hair and her ability to float, making retrieving items easier. Right now, her duties mostly consist of the same as when she was working under the House of Hades due to her snake hair being more than distracting for most of the animals at the shelter (and terrifying for the few hamsters), so interacting with many of the furry clients was nigh impossible.

“Here you go, Maggie!” Dusa hands the leash to her boss. 

“Great, thanks Dusa! I wouldn’t know what I would do without you!” Maggie smiles. All of a sudden, the drawstring bag in the corner buzzed. 

“Oh that’s your phone! Don’t worry, I’ll get it!” Phones were one of the many pieces of mortal technology Dusa struggles with. Most of the time, she needs a friend on hand to answer the phone for her, but after being introduced to popsockets it was easier for her to curl one of her snakes around the handle and press at the screen with another, but having a friend on her was more reliable. 

“It’s from someone named ‘Hypnos’. Is he your boyfriend?” Maggie teases, making Dusa blush a violent red. “H-he’s a friend of mine! W-we used to be coworkers! P-please just answer the phone for me, thank you!” Maggie laughs and answers the call, putting it on speakerphone for ease of access. 

“Dusa! How are you doing?”

“H-hi Hypnos! I’m doing great, thanks for asking! How are you?” 

A groan of frustration could be heard from the other end. “Oh my goodness Dusa! I’m doing terribly! There was this cat in the dumpster! I was taking out the trash for Thanny and I almost crushed it but it escaped and oh, Dusa, it was so pretty! It was this pretty white cat with these black and orange spots on its back-”

“A calico! Ohh, those are so pretty!” Maggie interrupted.

“Yeah what you said! It was so pretty and I want it to be my cat so we can cuddle and watch Netflix a-and I can dress it up in a fuzzy sweater and it can go on playdates with Hermes’ turtle and I just- oh, Dusa, please help me make it my friend please pretty please pretty pleeaase?” 

“W-well, I’m not good with cats! They always try and bite at my snakes and play with them! B-but we have rescued a few stray cats. Usually we just have to leave out some cat food and water for it until it trusts us-well, from what Maggie has told me!” 

Maggie nods. “Yep, all cats are food oriented. Just leave out some food and drink for it until it starts trusting you. Or you could always use Dusa as bait and lure it into a cage!” She lets out a high-pitched laugh. 

“It’s that easy? Oh man oh man, thank you so much!” 

“N-no problem, Hypnos! I wish you the best of luck!” 

Maggie gives Dusa a little pat on the head. “Well that was fun! It’s about time to close up shop now, so do you mind cleaning up the toys?” Dusa nods as best as a floating head can and floats off to do her assigned task. 

_ A week later _

_ Hypnos has been going out of the house a lot lately to go see that cat, _ mused Thanatos. On one hand, he was very glad that his brother wasn’t sleeping all the time. On the other hand, Hypnos had been speeding through the laundry faster than Hermes, sometimes pouring in too much detergent or putting clothes in for too long in the dryer, and Thanatos’ favorite jacket had been shrunk too small to wear. He needs to discipline that brother of his. Picking up his phone from the kitchen counter, he proceeds to leave the apartment to pick up his brother when he barges in with-

_ Oh my god don’t tell me he did it. _

“Thanny I got it!” 

Under one hand was a large box and the other was a cat carrier. 

_ Oh gods. _

Hypnos looked absolutely drenched from head to toe in sweat. For once he wore a bright yellow t-shirt, and a pair of extremely baggy black sports shorts that exposed his bony legs. Wrapped around his head was a red sport band that was barely visible underneath Hypnos’ persistent permanent bed hair. 

“I have the cat!” 

_ I hate this. And those are my shorts.  _

“Hypnos you didn’t even  _ ask _ me if we could keep a cat. I thought he would scratch your eyes out before it’d even eat the tuna you left out for him and here he is under your arm in a cage-”

“It’s a she! Her name is Chamomile Cocoa Mittens!” Hypnos interrupts, dropping the box on the ground with a loud thump and sliding onto the ground. 

“ _Chamomile?_ ** _Chamomile?_** Hypnos, we are not naming the cat after your two favorite mortal drinks with ‘Mittens’ tacked on the end.” 

“But she was made for me! It-it's me, but in a cat form, and I like hot cocoa and chamomile tea, so it makes sense that I should name her after my two favorite things! And Mittens is a classic mortal cat name, and this cat here is a mortal cat-”

“If we are keeping the cat-”

“We are!” 

Thanatos let out a groan of frustration. 

“If we are keeping the cat we are not naming her after a flower.” 

Hypnos pouted. “That’s such a terrible idea! Chamomile is a wonderfully pretty flower, just like how pretty Chamomile is!” Hypnos unlatches the cat carrier and gently coaxes the cat out, holding her under her armpits, revealing her soft white underbelly. “Look at her!” Hypnos shakes the cat gently, shoving it towards Thanatos’ face which he gently pushes aside. “Put her down before she scratches your eyes out,” Thanatos huffs. Hypnos lies the cat down on the ground, where she lazily curls up into a ball for a nap. “Aww, she’s so cute. We’re keeping her, right?’ 

Thanatos looks down at the cat. It is quite a cute cat. As if on command, the calico lets out a small yawn before returning to her nap.  _ She is quite adorable.  _

“Fine. We'll keep the cat, but _I_ get to name her.” 

Hypnos’ face immediately lights up. “Really? You mean it?” 

Thanatos shrugs. “Sure, I mean it. You just have to take good care of her.” 

Hypnos’ eyes bulge wide as if he was going to explode from the inside out from happiness. “You betcha! I’ll feed her and clean her litter box and play with her and take her to the vet when she gets sick!” 

Thanatos squats on the ground and sticks his hand towards the cat, gently petting her soft fur. In return, she lets off a low, content purr. Thanatos feels his heart flutter inside of him.  _ Oh that was...very adorable. _

“Well? What are you gonna name her?”

“Well, I was thinking we could name her ‘Terminator’ like that mortal film I really like-”

“We’re not going to name her- ugh, fine, if it means we get to keep her.”

“...but I think Chamomile would be a better fit for her, don’t you think? Chamomile the Demonslayer,” Thanatos grins. 

Hypnos stares wide-eyed at his brother. “Thanny, you’re smiling! See, I knew you would like Chamomile too! I really hate the 'Demonslayer' part, now that's icky, but y'see, Chamomile just-just fits her so well! Cmon, admit it!” Thanatos’ face immediately returns to its usual deadpan stare. Hypnos sighs, and picks up the Demonslayer, depositing her on the couch next to his blanket. He wraps himself up in the fuzzy pink blanket, picking up Chamomile and placing her squarely on his lap. “Cmon Thanny, join us! We can watch some more Netflix together like two mortal brothers do!” 

“I don’t have time to rest. Have you forgotten the box of cat supplies you just left by the doorway?” Hypnos huffs, and slumps more into the couch, pulling a sleep mask out of a crack in the sofa and snapping it firmly over his eyes. “Hypnos! Listen to me! I don’t know a thing about raising this cat! Hypnos! I don’t even know what a...a ‘litter box’ is! Hey! Hypnos! Wake up!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read the first chapter! This one's a little longer as I wanted to do more backstory. I have something fun planned for the next chapter that introduces Theseus, Asterius, and a little thing called furries...


	3. A Furry Interesting Afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theseus tries to introduce Asterius to the wonders of the internet by finding him a welcoming community. However, things don't really go as intended. Also the chapter that made me switch the rating to Teen.

_The same apartment Hypnos and Thanatos live in, only a few floors up_

**Your favorite Greek myths??? MEGATHREAD**

percyjacksonlovur1339

As the title says, what are _your_ favorite Greek myths? I have to say I looooove the story of Theseus and the Minotaur, can you imagine how terrifying it must have been to face something half bull half man? Theseus must’ve been so brave to fight it off single handedly!

xXtheseus-the-mightyXx replied:

Of course, Theseus was the greatest Greek hero of all time! His luscious golden hair, his stunning tanned looks and gorgeous rippling muscles! For someone as strong and as handsome as him, it was a piece of cake fighting the Minotaur! However, the Minotaur isn’t as bad as you perceive him to be. He’s quite a lovely person once you get to know him. 

Theseus hits ‘reply’, and sinks back in his chair. _Ah, technology, what a wonderful thing! Keep singing more praise to me, more, more, more!_

A buzz. 

**Reply to your comment on ‘** **Your favorite Greek myths??? MEGATHREAD** **’:**

daddy-zeus-smite-me  replied to your comment:

Uhh...are you forgetting about Hercules? One of the strongest heroes of Greek myth and his 12 labors? I mean, it’s one thing to kill a weird bull abomination and it’s another thing to hold the sky on your shoulders, slay the Hydra, only to name a few lol!! Plus, what was that whole thing about the Minotaur being a good person? Are you joking?? It ate people for goodness’s sake!

“Arrrgh!” 

Theseus leaps out of his chair, furiously typing an aggressive remark back at the unknown commenter. _How dare you! Hercules is nothing compared to my might you-_

“Theseus? Lunch is ready. You really ought to put on some clothes, it’s kinda chilly.” Asterius pokes his head into Theseus’ bedroom. Posters of the Greek gods adorned the wall except for one spot above his bed where a giant corkboard, adorned in LED lights, displayed multiple polaroids Theseus had taken of himself. Fuming, Theseus turns to his friend and roommate, clad in absolutely nothing but a pair of underwear.

“Just a minute, let me utterly destroy this wretch, this daemon, this-this-” Theseus furiously points at his laptop where a two-paragraph long response had already been typed out, ready to be sent. Asterius sighs, wipes his hands on his apron, and puts a hand on Theseus. “Come on, lunch will get cold. And shouldn’t you get off that uh...forum? That’s what it’s called, right? I don’t think it’ll be good for you.” He gently coaxes Theseus to the kitchen, and then heads into Theseus’ bedroom to find clothes for him to wear. 

Fuming, Theseus digs into his gyro. When he and Asterius had left Elysium to return to the mortal world, nothing fascinated him more than social media. He often frequented forums related to Greek myths to read posts praising himself, and composing long insulting replies to anyone who insinuated otherwise. Asterius, on the other hand, was overwhelmed by technology. There were so many websites, so many things to do, so where does one even begin? It was fine anyways, Theseus didn’t want him to read the piles of Minotaur hate that he kept stumbling upon. 

“Here,” Asterius tossed a shirt and a pair of pants at his best friend. “I really don’t understand why you keep walking around nearly naked all the time, but nothing’s stopping you I guess.” Theseus appreciates the gesture, but enjoyed being clothed in nothing but a pair of underwear. After all, if any guests came to visit, he could flex the muscles he’d spent eternity building. “Asterius,” Theseus began mid-chew. “I was thinking about finding you a place you belong on the internet.” Asterius cocks his head. “I do not believe I have such a place. I look so different from everyone else, and the Internet is a perplexing mystery to me.” 

Theseus pulls out his phone from gods knows where. “Nonsense! Someone once said, there is a place on the Internet for everybody. Now let me consult the Oracle of Google for answers.” Gyro in one hand, phone in the other, he begins to furiously type in questions in the search bar. 

“Found something!” Theseus announces after minutes of searching. “It’s something called a...furry. However, I do believe furry is an adjective?” Asterius’ interest piqued, he peeks his head over Theseus’ shoulder. 

“The furry fandom is a subculture interested in anthropomorphic animal characters with human personalities and characteristics,” Theseus reads off the page. “Huh?” 

“I believe they’re humans who enjoy being like humanoid animals,” Asterius remarks. Theseus’ face lights up. “Oh! So there’s got to be at least one person who looks up to you, Asterius! We just have to find them!” He discards the shirt and pants to the side and hurries to his bedroom, Asterius (with his clothes) following behind. 

“Look, I found a forum for you! I can make you an account and you can talk to people who look up to you like they look up to me!” Theseus points to the screen. Pictures of weird, bipedal furry...animals? in bright colors adorned the page. Some resembled cats, some dogs, others lizards and other animals Asterius couldn’t recognize. “All done my good friend. Here, let me show you. Your username, which is your fake alias, is ‘Asterius-the-Minotaur’ and your password is ‘asteriustheminotaur’, which is what’s used to confirm that you really are Asterius!” 

Asterius slowly nods. “Okay...I think I understand that. What do I do now?” Theseus shrugs. “This is the first time I’m encountering these strange...furries. I could look up the Minotaur in the search bar and…oh by the gods.” 

Lewd pictures and titles that would make Aphrodite herself blush exploded onto the page. Theseus hurriedly tries to cover his friend’s eyes, but he had already seen everything. “Theseus, why do all these people want to have sexual intercourse with me?” Asterius asked. “And why do I look so incredibly muscular and...uh, naked in so many of them?” 

“I-I uh, I don’t know! P-please, my dear friend, please leave the room while I try and fix this!” Theseus, embarrassed and flustered from head to toe ushers Asterius out of the room. Thankfully, he finds the option to obscure NSFW art and posts fast enough and lets Asterius back into his room. “I have fixed the problem. I think it should be safe now for you if you wish to keep searching.” 

Asterius’ face takes on a tinge of pink. “I...I think I’ll be fine, Theseus. I do have a collection of books I still wish to read that are collecting dust in my room that I should...get to reading. Technology is uh....too confusing and too...erotic for me. I’ll get to my books.” He quickly ducks out of view and scrambles back into his bedroom to try and shake the images he’d just seen out of his head. Embarrassed, Theseus hastily exits the forum. _Never again._

In his bedroom, Asterius, curled up on his bed, tries to distract himself with one of his favorite books, but the images kept appearing in his head. _Good gods._ Was he really...that handsome to have art drawn of him? Did people really like him that much? Flushed, he tries to swat the memories out of his head again. _Don’t be silly, Asterius. Just concentrate on your book._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was fun to write! I loved the idea of Theseus hanging around forums to read about himself and Asterius being a weirdly good homemaker. Next chapter I'm thinking about introducing some more gods and their mortal jobs, including Artemis and a lesbian biker gang.


End file.
